You know it’s a terrible week when you wish there was an earthquake in New York so you’d have a legit excuse to be hiding under the table. We shut down Trump’s Revolutionary War fan-fic Fourth of July speech; an executive who behaves like an in-orbit astronaut in the office; a browser plug-in that allows you to stealthily watch “The Office” while in the office; a woman in Texas who faces 20 years in prison for licking ice cream; British birders who couldn’t distinguish a seagull from an eagle.